I'd Rather Die Than Have You Save Me
by TrickstersImp
Summary: Why, why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be the guy I had been in love with since… since forever? You don't get to come in and save me, you don't get to be my knight in shining armour, life doesn't work like that. Not after you broke my heart.


Why, why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be the guy I had been in love with since… since forever?

Why did it have to be you, the guy who had broken my heart more times than I could possibly remember? I looked around at the flame surrounding me and wondered how I could possibly have been this stupid in the first place.

Oh, right that was your fault too, it was your actions that led me to escape here in the first place. But you don't get to come in and save me, you don't get to be my knight in shining armour, life doesn't work like that. I had a dilemma playing through in my mind. Something inside of me was arguing that I would rather die than have you come here. Why couldn't it have been someone else? It was just my luck that someone like Robbie had been nowhere near and instead it was you standing in front of me, calling my name through the flames.

Our relationship was long and bloody complicated and I just wanted it to end. If I could I would go back and undo that first day, the day when Jade was running along the corridor screaming.

She stopped and turned to face me.

"I hope you're happy." She looked at me with hatred in her eyes, but I could see it masking the despair.

"Jade, what's wrong?" I asked but she gave me her deathly glare.

"As if you don't know" She hissed and for a moment I thought she was going to hit me but I heard her almost sob instead. She pulled away from me and headed down the corridor again, I grabbed her arm as she passed but she pulled me off and ran down to the Black Box before anybody could see her make-up start to run. There was only one conclusion in my mind; she had broken up with you… again. I saw André run to follow her down the corridor and that made me happy. I knew her and André would be happy together eventually, no matter how many break-ups he had to sit through with her. It was pretty obvious how he felt about that girl.

I turned my eyes to follow the line of destruction and ran along it, eventually coming to an empty classroom. You were sitting there all alone, head in your hands. You looked up when you saw me in the doorway. Then you stood up. You walked over.

You kissed me. And I knew why Jade had been so furious at me, it was because you had left her for me. Jade was always so paranoid that you would do that and you did it. You broke her heart, but in the same moment you captured mine, completely and utterly.

If I could go back to that moment I would shove you off me and scream at you. You were the type of person who would get bored of one girl and move on. How could I not see that you would do the same thing to me eventually? I regret helping you break Jade's heart and even after it mended I regret staying with you through High school. I regret staying with you until we both left for our separate colleges, which were states apart and even then we said we would go long distance.

It shouldn't have been such a shocker to come to visit a month later, when you told me that you and Tori had a connection you couldn't break and that we were over, just the way you and Jade had been when you decided you'd rather be with me.

I was so stupid to let you break my heart.

But we both know it didn't end there. No… but how I wish it had.

Do you remember that night when you knocked on my door, completely wasted. That was my time to save you… but it really doesn't mean you have to replay the favour in fact I wish I'd left you to rot. She hit my door again and again, calling out.

"Cat! Cat!" I ignored it, getting slightly scared, I hadn't seen you since college and I no longer recognised your voice, to be honest I hadn't been that good at that in the first place. I heard the door stutter and I was scared it was going to break. I went to the door and peered through it. You were barely recognisable.

"Beck" I whispered under my breath.

"Caterina Valentine! I can hear you! Open the door or I'm coming in!" You screamed and actually 'm surprised that nobody came to help me. I slid it open slightly and all these memories came flooding back to me, I couldn't remember why I didn't hold on to you, until you said it.

"Tori's dead."

I didn't know what to feel. The only thing that had been standing in the way of us was gone. But so was one of my closest friends, or one of my ex-closest friends. My heart simultaneously filled with despair and hope for us.

I never should have done it that night. I should never have gone through with it. You were drunk; you didn't know what you were doing. I just missed you so much and I loved you so much. It seemed inevitable. I thought about Tori once more that night and then she disappeared from my mind. And then all I could possible think of was you, and me being with you, and us being together forever. I was such an idiot.

So I did what I had never done before. I slept with you.

You were gone the next day.

I got a call from Trina the next day asking me if I wanted to be Maid of bloody Honour for Beck and Tori's wedding. You were a filthy, filthy liar. I thought you had no idea what you were doing, but apparently you decided you had to nail every girl you could before the big day. And you decided you would start with the girl who would never let you before.

I found out that I was pregnant within a month. I was pregnant with your bloody baby… because my life was so easy to deal with in the first place. I knew I was going to keep it though; abortion and adoption weren't the answer. Yeah, I know, I never told you, but honestly you didn't deserve to know anything about it. The baby was going to have a father though; would you believe it, Robbie and I had started dating… we were engaged before too long. Maybe it wasn't what it had always been with you but it was something, it was security. I needed it.

We planned to get married before my bump started to show and guess when you come back into my life. The moment before I say I do. You told me I couldn't marry him, because I didn't love him. You told me I loved you instead. You dragged me out of that church.

I told you that I didn't love you, I loved him. So what if I was lying? You had no right to tell me that in the first place, you had no right to ruin my life again, because Robbie had somehow managed to get what you said into his head. He told me he didn't want to marry someone who loved somebody else.

I ended up back where I was, pregnant, penniless and alone. I was in a bad neighbourhood, it's actually a miracle that I didn't get mugged earlier than I did. I tried to fight back but they hit me in the stomach, I had a miscarriage. I wasn't going to be a mother anymore. If I had married Robbie I would be, if you had made up your mind earlier then I would be even if your decision was to leave me the hell alone. I don't even know what happened to Tori.

Is it such a shocker that I wanted to get away from it all. So I went to Broadway… we're getting back to the present now. My gig as a costume designer was amazing. And I might die here though,, as the building goes up in flames.

_Bloody candle_

Why? Why did it have to be you here now?

"Caterina Valentine! I know you can hear me!" You were breaking my heart again. I saw you take a deep breath and you were about to go through the flames to pick me up and carry me out, saving my life. Then I would owe you. I can't owe you, not after everything you've done.

Not after the way you made me hate you.

And the fact that I know I still love you, you arrogant, untrustworthy, vile bastard.

The smoke was getting to my lungs now and I knew if you didn't save me then nobody else would. I made a split second decision. I would make you pay for what you had done. I would make you regret it all.

I stood on the edge of the burning wood, fire either side of me and I watched you approaching. I saw you scream and I spread my arms out and let myself fall back, like one of those old trust exercises. I fell as lightly and as gracefully as a feather. You sprinted, stretching your arms out, but you were nowhere near close enough.

The world went black around me, and I was engulfed by nothingness.

I'd rather die than have you save me.

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><p><em><strong>Well that was sad, (I hope, it was my intention after all). If you read Bat, then please check out my story The Reaper Takes It All. Please.<strong>_

_**Okay, well, Review.**_

_**(Please check it out)**_

_**The Name Is A Lie, As Is The Cake**_

_**I-Am-Not-A-Smiley-Person**_

_**Please. I'm not going to go away until you do. I know where you live. (Okay, maybe not...)**_


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